I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
