We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
