Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
