he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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