we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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