So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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