Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
