remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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