I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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