I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
