im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I need a hoe opinion
go on
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize