Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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