Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
