Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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