You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
