He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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