Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
