Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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