I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
