I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
