i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
