after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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