champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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