Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
