you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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