i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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