Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
