I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize