I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
