i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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