K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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