i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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