So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
