pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
