1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
