I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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