then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
