I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
