Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
