Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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