were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize