Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
