I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
