We're facebook friends in real life
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Randomize
