why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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