FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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