I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize