I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
