I feel like I'm in dance class right now
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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