Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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