I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
