I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
