Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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