Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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