So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize
