you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
wakey wakey hands off snakey
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize