Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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