just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
