True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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