In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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