Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
