it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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