My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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