new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
