ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
