Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
even my farts smell like vagina
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
