The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
