so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize