i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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