if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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