My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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