he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
