I just made out with a guy for $7.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
