How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Plan B is the new Plan A
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
