The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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