I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I wish there were birth control emojis
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
