Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
