They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I AM VODKA MAN
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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