here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
please come you make the beer taste better
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
