You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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