She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
