There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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