I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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