Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
