We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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