Pants 0. Shit 1.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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