Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
