You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
