i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize