oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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