i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
pray to the hookup gods
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
