he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
