i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize