oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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