im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
