Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
