My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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