Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
