Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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