I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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